The ultimate medicine is the medicine that cures once and for all, the disease of becoming. If you are always caught up in becoming, which is time, then you are in constant conflict and turmoil. With the unexamined fixed reference point “me”, So and So, there is conflict that goes along with it as the constant companion. Conflict is disease, and you are not at ease if you are in conflict. Becoming is not being, for it implies time or duration, a transformation from one assumed state to another at some future time. Is there time without the thinking process? If I am not thinking about it; that is recalling the past or anticipating the imagined future, is there such a thing as time at all? The answer is no, there is no time at all if I am not thinking about it; yet it can be noticed that in that brief gap when thinking is paused or ceases by itself so to speak, I still am! This naked non conceptual awareness or pure beingness is free and independent of any and all becoming whatsoever.
This is what needs to be seen and known by no one, this awake, aware no thing, that every ‘apparent’ thing always and already is. This is the bottom line, the base of any and every apparent thing – this very ‘fact’ of your own being here and now, Omnipresent! Not being this or that, but simply being itself, ‘as it is’. There is no becoming whatsoever in being – you are, infinitely and eternally, that is, this pure being that you already are is timeless and ever-present. Begin right now to have an affectionate awareness of being, a genuine warmth towards this awareness that is being or presence, and forget about becoming all together. This is the complete opposite of what you have been taught by your parents, schools, and society in general.
What you are is the complete opposite of what you have been told that you are. You are not the limited personality, person or persona(mask) that you have acquired and accumulated since early childhood, engendered by your parents, teachers, and society. Question all this, look into it for yourself and discard all this false knowledge and learned ignorance that has been fostered upon you and accumulated since early childhood. A big ask you may well say, but actually this is not difficult in the least. Ask yourself, do I have a memory if I don’t think about it? The answer is no, there is no conditioning and no memory whatsoever if I don’t think about it. Even in deep sleep when no thinking is going on you are still aware or existing because on awakening you say – Oh, I had a good sleep. There is an awareness, a knowing that sleeping was happening.
Question authority, think for yourself, dig deep and discover for yourself the very base and foundation of all phenomena. What is the foundation of every apparent life or so called person? Isn’t it ‘I am’ without any words, labels, thoughts or concepts? You are present and aware whether there is thinking and talking taking place, or whether there is silence prevailing without any mental chatter or conceptualizing going on. Begin to notice this non conceptual awareness which is at the very core of your being, and which is silent, still, and changeless by its very nature. This natural state of naked non conceptual awareness is very ordinary and does not need to be attained or acquired by anyone.
Ordinary everyday awareness is the great enlightenment that everyone is seeking, however they are looking for it in the wrong direction – outwardly and in the mind which is time, and the acquired mind being time is only a mental concept. The mind is only a concept, and there is no mind at all when you investigate it or try to locate it, all you find and all there ever is, is this ever-fresh presence awareness, and THAT is certainly not a concept but a Reality that you cannot negate, and that you cannot grasp with any mental concept, word, or idea. Reverse the arrow of your attention one hundred and eighty degrees, and instead LOOK inwardly for a moment and you will directly SEE that this space of naked awareness that you are truly seeing out of is boundless without any edges, center or circumference whatsoever, and that this awake, aware, no thing, this awareness-emptiness that is your true nature has no dimensions, shape, form, or color and no inner or outer to it at all; it is simply pure being and “as it is”. You cannot negate this being that you already are, and you cannot grasp it with any word, thought, or concept. THIS that is being pointed to cannot be known as any object, person or thing, yet you cannot negate this being. This ever-present unqualified immediacy of awareness-emptiness is what you truly and ever are – “Your glassy essence” as Shakespeare has referred to in his play Measure for Measure.
“Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so”. Therefore cease trying to work this out in your acquired time-bound mind and relax back into this uncontrived singularity or natural state. Rest and abide as this consciousness-awareness. You have tried to work this out in your mind for years and years – doing this or that particular spiritual practice, going on endless spiritual retreats, silent and otherwise, going to endless sat sangs etc, but you have never found any answers there, and there has been no resolution of conflicts and psychological suffering in all of these futile efforts.
Wouldn’t it dawn on you that perhaps I have been looking in the wrong direction – looking into the mind which is time, trying to get to the timeless through time – trying to get to non duality(non conceptual awareness or essence) from duality – “Me”, Mr or Mrs So and So. Blind Freddy could see that there is no answer there, yet this is not seen by ninety nine percent of so called spiritual seekers and so they continue on trapped in their head trying to find an answer where it can never be found. Round and round like a donkey on a treadmill. Surely there is only one way out of the time-bound mind, and that is full stop!
But we never stop or pause, we continue on endlessly in the mind and the psychological suffering continues. “It is not by going that you will reach that place that is free of death or becoming”. It is by stopping once and for all – full stop, pause for a moment and be as you are in this natural state, the same natural state that ever prevails prior to conception in the womb, and even now when you have placed the limitation on yourself of being a limited human being. Instead abide as THAT non dual essence or Absolute. Realize that you already are THAT, and that the search itself has been the problem all along. You already are THAT and you always have been THAT naked awareness. Drop all your thoughts and concepts and without any words or language, what can you say about this presence of awareness? You cannot say anything at all without thoughts, words, or concepts, yet have you disappeared or ceased to exist?
Of course not, you are still present and aware as you have always and ever been. You are pure existence itself, without any beginning or ending, timelessly Omnipresent. Realize this for yourself. How many Miracle Courses do I need to take or undergo to know and realize that I am present and aware? The answer is none at all, not a single practice, meditation or effort – Zero, Zilch – I am THAT I am. Have the courage and conviction to say and know – I am THAT.
If I don’t ask the question, Who am I, then where does that leave me? After all, ‘who am I’, is only a thought, and if the questioner is only a thought or mental concept, then the questioner is the question itself, and so they naturally cancel each other out or resolve themselves. Then without a questioner or a question where does that leave me? Doesn’t it leave me just where I always and ever am – right here and now present and aware? Can I ever get out of or away from this naked, all-knowing, non conceptual awareness? So much for trying to stay in the now, or the immediacy of this awareness; in ‘fact’ you can never get out of the now that is this ever-fresh presence awareness.
So what is the point of trying to stay in the now when you can never really get out of it? THIS is the actual livingness itself, you can never live a second in the past or the future because all the living that there ever is, is now and always now in this very immediacy of naked non conceptual, knowing-awareness. There is a knowing that you are present here and now that can never under any circumstances be negated. ‘I am’ is my name – I am THAT I am, without any qualifications.
My original name is I am, not the acquired name that was given to me as Mr or Mrs So and So. What an extraordinary discovery – I exist infinitely and eternally, and I can never cease to exist at any imaginary time, I am myself the Supreme Reality. Wonderful am I, adoration to my Self! I alone exist, non dual One without a second. I am alone. None is mine; of none else am I; I see not any of whom I am; nor do I see one that is mine. I am not some miserable worm, insect, or human being crawling on the surface of some rock spinning through space, but rather I am the unlimited space-like awareness itself.
Realize that there is no end to Self-discovery as the Self is ceaseless, without any beginning or ending, so there is no fixed point anywhere where you can say this is what I am, and this is the ultimate point or understanding. Self-realization is not some final state, fixed point or understanding, yet it reveals itself ever-fresh and new as this spontaneous endless activity of knowing – the ‘ing’ at the end of the word know(ing) implying an endless movement or activity taking place presently here and now. As this activity of knowing is beginning right now, it is also ending now, and as it is ending it is beginning again now, so there is no duration, no time at all in the spontaneity that is this all-knowing awareness. An endless movement without beginning or ending. See this, be this, ever-fresh, ever-new essence – Ah, this.
Notes from Kings Cross, Sunday, 1st November 2015. Next Post:
Notes from Kings Cross – Monday, 2nd May 2016