How do I know I am? Doesn’t it imply a conscious presence of awareness or pure being prior to the arising of the thought “I am”, or any thought at all for that matter? Now isn’t it a fact that I am even before, during and after the thought or concept “I am” arises? Once the “I” thought arises, then for practical purposes a name has to be added to it, eg I am John. The name is given at birth but the “I am” thought doesn’t become active until around the age of 3 years.No one can grasp the thought “I”, so other concepts are added on to it or acquired by the seeming separate entity, eg I am a man, I am a Christian, I am good at sports etc. All this so called knowledge about myself is acquired or added on to the original concept in order to give it some substance. However, what is the truth of my original, unchanging condition? Isn’t all this knowledge that I have acquired after the fact of the arising of the I am thought around 3 years of age, invalid and a form of ignorance? Originally there was bliss, the peace that passes all understanding. I did not have this so called knowledge, “I am So and So” and I did not know of any such thing as existence or non existence.Prior to the arising of this “I am” thought, I didn’t know I was and there were no problems as such. As soon as this I am news arose, so did all the problems.For example – the need to sustain myself, to maintain my health, to compete for rewards with so called others, to conform to society, and also the need to search for and believe in God.
The idea of god arises only in conjunction with the arising of body-mind consciousness. Without the body mind vehicle there is no need for or question of god. THIS is what is to be abided in – this non conceptual pure awareness knowingness, unaware of itself, what Nisargadatta Maharaj referred to as the natural state – Niarga means natural as in nature – the non experiential, stateless, natural state – the non dual Absolute. This is paradoxical to the mind and can never be grasped or comprehended by any thought or concept. That is why you will never find any solution in the mind which is time – memory and anticipation. This Absolute is always and ever present, but is not limited to any object or thing. There is no coming or going in this ever present, Omnipresent Absolute.
It is because of this ever present Absolute that I am able to know that “I am So and So”. n other words I am THAT by which I know I am.So my question is where am I proceeding to? From where have I arrived and to where am I proceeding? Isn’t all this coming and going just pure ignorance? Isn’t it a fact that in actuality I haven’t moved an inch, and that I am THAT I am infinitely and eternally? What had I hoped to achieve here struggling in this Adamic dream of opposites, trying in vain to acquire some thing ( perfection ) that I have never lost? Have I (the non dual Absolute) been born?Am I going to die? If there is authenticity in the pursuit of spiritual understanding, shouldn’t I ask myself these questions, look, enquire and find out for myself without going through the intermediary of any external authority? Surely no one from outside can tell me or confirm my own perfection?
If I alone am, then there are no other’s apart from me to tell me.I now know for certain that no one ever did exist before me and that I alone exist, non dual One without a second. This is Advaita ( unicity, not two ), and there is no compromise – duality never existed, it only appeared to. Nothing ever happened. Reality never changed. That is the very definition of reality – THAT which never changes. How can reality change? Only in a dream and dreams are not real or substantial. Isn’t it time to give up this children’s game of believing in and depending on a mother – father god, watching over you as the helpless child? Perhaps the truth is that you yourself are limitless and even greater than the parent god that you imagined in your ignorance was ruling over you?
These are the questions that a genuine spiritual aspirant must consider and look into.The realization of this knowledge (Jhana) which is ever-present and expresses through the mind as the thought “I am”, and which you cannot negate or grasp with any concept or thought ‘is’ spiritual childhood’s end.